Template – Zero Harm Advisor

Depositphotos_54649341_s-2015In the interests of supporting the safety industry, we here at Safetyrisk provide hundreds of templates to save you time searching and money. So the following template is provided at no cost for any of those zero organisations seeking a zero harm advisor. Feel free to use the complementary template and good luck.

Position Deception

Zero Harm Advisor

  1. Demonstrated life long record of no mistakes, slips, misses or errors
  2. Ability to terminate employees who make mistakes
  3. Capability to attribute good management and performance to no injuries and blame aberrations for any injury
  4. Demonstrated ability o hide injury data, fudge statistics and shift harm to no countable causes
  5. Ability to overlook harm in mental health, well being and non visible harm caused by the workplace
  6. Demonstrated ability to pump out zero slogans and mantras like religious clockwork
  7. Demonstrated ability to deny fallibility

Essential Criteria

  1. Must be a member of a zero harm association eg. AIHS, NSCA, ASSP
  2. Must have a Diploma in ZH from an accredited ZH provider
  3. Undertake full medical assessment and be in perfect health
  4. Must be able to walk on water as required

If you cannot meet all of these criteria do not apply. If any questions about the selection criteria please contact: Barry Spud, CEO Safetyrisk

Barry Spud

Barry Spud

Safety Crusader, Zero Harm Zealot, Compliance Controller and Global Pandemic Expert at Everything Safety
Barry Spud
What is a Safety Spud? Lets look at a few more spud head activities in risk and safety: 1. Coming on to site saying there is a safety issue when in fact there’s no such thing, it’s a political issue. 2. ‘Falling apart’ when people make choices that we think are stupid because they won’t do as we ‘tell’ them. Then we put on the angry face and think that overpowering others creates ownership. 3. Putting on the zero harm face, presenting statistics, knowing it has nothing to do with culture, risk or safety. 4. Putting on the superman (hazardman) suit and pretending to be the saviour of everything, this is good spud head cynic stuff. 5. Thinking that everyone else is a spud head except me. 6. Thinking there’s such a thing as ‘common’ sense and using such mythology to blame and label others. 7. Accepting safety policies and processes that dehumanize others. 8. Blaming, ego-seeking, grandstanding and territory protecting behind the mask of safety. 9. Thinking that risk and safety is simple when in fact it is a wicked problem. Denying complexity and putting your spud head in the sand. 10. Continually repeating the nonsense language and discourse of risk aversion that misdirect people about risk, safety, learning and imagination.

10 Replies to “Template – Zero Harm Advisor”

  1. If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‘President Can’t Swim.’ – Lyndon B Johnson (ChOHSProf)

  2. At least one key KPi is missing ie, the ability and expressed desire to conduct refresher training in a hospital ward setting

    1. no lost time then – And back dating signatures on all other induction and training records – I’ve seen that attempted and that safety knob get eaten alive by an injured person’s mother!

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