In the interests of supporting the safety industry, we here at Safetyrisk provide hundreds of templates to save you time searching and money. So the following template is provided at no cost for any of those zero organisations seeking a zero harm advisor. Feel free to use the complementary template and good luck.
Position Deception
Zero Harm Advisor
- Demonstrated life long record of no mistakes, slips, misses or errors
- Ability to terminate employees who make mistakes
- Capability to attribute good management and performance to no injuries and blame aberrations for any injury
- Demonstrated ability o hide injury data, fudge statistics and shift harm to no countable causes
- Ability to overlook harm in mental health, well being and non visible harm caused by the workplace
- Demonstrated ability to pump out zero slogans and mantras like religious clockwork
- Demonstrated ability to deny fallibility
Essential Criteria
- Must be a member of a zero harm association eg. AIHS, NSCA, ASSP
- Must have a Diploma in ZH from an accredited ZH provider
- Undertake full medical assessment and be in perfect health
- Must be able to walk on water as required
If you cannot meet all of these criteria do not apply. If any questions about the selection criteria please contact: Barry Spud, CEO Safetyrisk
Barry Spud
Safety Crusader, BBS Fanatic, Zero Harm Zealot, Compliance Controller and Global Pandemic Expert at Everything Safety
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Matthew Thorne says
I won’t comment in case I cause harm.
bernardcorden says
If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‘President Can’t Swim.’ – Lyndon B Johnson (ChOHSProf)
Rob Long says
Well known in SPoR at the Messiah Complex
bernardcorden says
Zero integrity:
https://www.seek.com.au/job/50200632?type=standard#searchRequestToken=efa5b88a-f761-4b6b-afdc-cf89684a0b54
Rob Long says
Well known as a brutalist organisation.
bernardcorden says
The most notable omission from its board of directors is Tom Domican.
paul ince says
At least one key KPi is missing ie, the ability and expressed desire to conduct refresher training in a hospital ward setting
Rob Long says
Spot on Paul, and without any training in pastoral care skills.
Admin says
no lost time then – And back dating signatures on all other induction and training records – I’ve seen that attempted and that safety knob get eaten alive by an injured person’s mother!
Rob Long says
Came out in the Kenoss case https://www.canberratimes.com.au/story/6062753/kenoss-contractors-fined-11-million-for-workplace-death/
Foreman back signed the induction sheet but spelt the workers name wrong, came out in court that they believed that paperwork covers your arse, completely delusional.