Q. Have you ever wanted to impress at a virtual safety conference or zoom webinar event?
A. Subscribe to SHEeple STEMspeak*
Just select any three-digit number and the corresponding buzzwords from the grid below:Examples:
473 – synchronized reciprocal timeframe
688 – responsive organizational flexibility
136 – total transitional mobility
052 – balanced digital projection
Do not worry if the phrase is meaningless, behavioural scientists have been using the technique and deceiving their audiences over many years. Just let the numbers roll or even use a random three-digit number generator. The tool converts qualitative categorical descriptors into quantitative data to establish the mean and standard deviation. This enables hypothesis testing and verification of statistical significance via an extensive range of inapposite test methods.
SHEeple at the next safety conference or webinar will be as equally perplexed and extremely reluctant to challenge the orthodoxy or speak the truth to power. You can propose systemized reciprocal options (979) to achieve optimal transitional flexibility (538) and establish an integrated monitored projection (262). Moreover, it fulfills the Drucker maxim……What gets measured gets managed.
Within months you will sound like a certified safety professional, delusional blogger or Scotty from marketing with a unique ability to deliver a relentless stream of formulaic and vapid sesquipedalian sludge. It will disguise your diaphanous integrity and leave your audience spellbound. This will transfix most of the SHEeple who will be easily inveigled by your technological superiority…..Scientific theory is a contrived foothold in the chaos of living phenomena.
* A 20% discount is on offer for EOFY subscriptions to certified safety professionals