Welcome to the latest edition of the Australian Institute of Heinrich & Skinner fake newsletter following the resounding success of the recent online national conference with its enigmatic theme of Politics and Power. Indeed, the subject was scarcely acknowledged or even addressed throughout the entire online three-day event although the late George Orwell once proclaimed…..All issues are political issues and politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred and schizophrenia.
Despite the virtual format its gala trivia ball organizing committee persisted with a traditional formulaic script with servile assistance from several public serpents and many other spineless panjandrums representing an eclectic range of statutory agencies and quangos. This was supplemented by a relentless stream of corporate bilge from certified safety professionals and a delusional blogger with a cameo role from a silver spoon academic that regurgitated the esteemed work of Karl Weick and Kathleen Sutcliffe covering high reliability organizing. Most sessions resembled the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket and were littered with an unyielding deluge of vapid sesquipedalian sludge using SHEeple STEMspeak. The diverse and inclusive language left its Women in Safety and Health (WISH) faction with wet knickers and extolling the virtues of husband replacement therapy (HRT) amidst intermittent fits of prepubescent giggling.
The obstinate emphasis on scientism, objectivism structuralism, positivism and black box psychology complemented by beguiling rhetoric captivated an extensive network of emerging safety acolytes and left most of the audience spellbound or more than likely asleep. Meanwhile this curious blend of alleged technological superiority and overwhelming histrionics disguised the diaphanous integrity of several distinguished narcissists. It transfixed numerous naive SHEeple and other sycophants, who were extremely reluctant to challenge the orthodoxy or speak the truth to power. Indeed……..some ideas are so stupid that only intellectuals could believe them.
The black sheep in the adjacent photograph is Randle McMurphy, a renowned recidivist from that seditious Social Psychology of Risk (SPoR) academy. This recalcitrant infidel and relentless critic of zero harm is currently under operant conditioning at an undisclosed location somewhere near Orange in regional New South Wales. Rehabilitation treatment includes waterboarding, lithium medication, electroconvulsive therapy, genome editing and constant suprasurveillance with regular supervised excursions to Morisset in the lower Hunter Valley for intensive psychoanalysis.
Nurse Mildred Ratched (AO ChOHSP) and the conference organizing committee were unavailable for comment. Chief Bromden was allegedly away on long service leave in Western Australia although a scratchy and rather vague voicemail message proclaimed………..Freedom is exclusively for dissidents. Meanwhile, the peak safety body ensures it never wastes a crisis and remains like a shiver in search of a spine in a relentless pursuit to protect its fiefdom. The primary object of work health and safety legislation is to secure the health, safety and welfare of people at work although there is a something sadly amiss with a dehumanising regime…………that requires a pyramid of corpses every few years to sustain its livelihood.