Safety Cheese to the Rescue!!
A Classic! First posted HERE by Ron Harvey
Just give me the Safety Cheese and no one gets hurt.
The continuing prevalence of workplace injuries can be traced primarily to the inadequate use of Safety Cheese by EHS and OSH and CSP and IH and CSM and BBS and CPEA and CSHM and CHSP and CHME professionals. The benefits of Safety Cheese have long been established, but the recent infatuation with various safety methodologies and philosophies have tarnished the image of the simplicity of past proven methods.
What is Safety Cheese?
Safety Cheese is a rather bland, 2-dimensional safety-like substance that offers no substantial risk reduction in and of itself, but is effective in distracting worker-mice when it is draped over a hazardous job trap and heated enough to melt slightly. It this state, it gives the perfect appearance of safety without all the rigmarole of having to provide actual safety to the worker-mice.
How Long Has It Been Around?
Looking back at the illustrious history of Safety Cheese, it is easy to see the subtle forms it took in all our lives. I very clearly remember me and my mom out in the side yard of the house where I grew up, when she told me “Look both ways before crossing the street”. Too bad she didn’t tell my little brother that if there was a vehicle in the road, not to cross. He got his pelvis broken when he ran out in front of a tow truck one day.
Proper Application
In modern workplaces, Safety Cheese often takes the same 2-dimensional form in the appearance of “Safety Signs”. These signs will frequently bear words that under normal circumstances would have meaning, but when used as Safety Cheese, the meanings of the words become completely ambiguous and often contradictory.
Safety Cheese is almost always found in the workplace adjacent to hazardous job traps, which is an odd thing. The Safety Cheese draws the attention of the worker-mice and they calmly approach the hazardous job traps where they are likely to be injured. The logic may be that the Safety Cheese is so tasty that the worker-mice will proclaim in unison “Safety Cheese First!”, and by the time they finish the Safety Cheese, it’s time for a break and they never get close to the hazardous job trap.
Perhaps Safety Cheese is so ubiquitous because of the misconception that it will prevent the hazardous job traps from snapping on the worker-mice, or that the Safety Cheese will act as a protective barrier if the hazardous job trap does snap on them. This is the most likely origin of the mantra “Think Safety Cheese” that worker-mice are commonly forced to memorize.
The effectiveness of Safety Cheese is proven by the recent study by Lapel-Master which determined that worker-mice who are injured by hazardous job traps almost always have a belly full of Safety Cheese®. In these rare cases, it is suspected that not enough Safety Cheese was applied.
It is thereby concluded that the best thing about Safety Cheese is that it can be applied to suit the taste of the most recent corporate safety initiative. If one slice is not enough, you can apply as many slices as you like.
Warning
It is a well-known fact that worker-mice love Safety Cheese. Be aware, though, that over-consumption of Safety Cheese by worker-mice can make them fat and lazy, lulling them into a state of complacency where they think that just because they have eaten the Safety Cheese, they will not be injured by the hazardous job traps.
Conclusion
Remember to always provide the worker-mice with their Recommended Daily Dose of Safety Cheese. Be Safe! Eat The Cheese!
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