Real Zero Harm

We’ve all seen the pithy statements on wallpaper all over the major retailer’s premises (see below) and advertisements telling us that our safety is their no1 priority and that they are now following strict hygiene protocols (not sure what they were doing before this?). Well, today, The Shovel reported that McDonalds are finally proving it:

In the interests of the health of its customers, McDonald’s has announced it will close all of its stores permanently

By The Shovel on May 19, 2020

Saying the health of its customers was its top priority, McDonald’s has made the decision to permanently close all 970 of its Australian outlets, effective immediately.

In recent weeks McDonalds has implemented a range of new processes to improve hygiene, such as the crew member placing the bag of food on the counter for the customer to pick up, rather than directly handing it over. But analysis has shown that removing the bag of food from the process altogether improved the health outcome for the customer even further.

In a statement, McDonald’s said it was time to go one step further in its health policy.

“Over the past few months we’ve been following strict cleaning processes in all of our restaurants to remove any germs. But then we thought, ‘How can we make our restaurants even healthier for our customers?’ And the answer was obvious – permanently close them.

A spokesperson for the company said the decision was in the best interests of its customers. “There’s really no point doing a deep clean of all surfaces and then handing over a Double Beef’N’Bacon Burger. Have you seen those things? They’re pretty f&%#ing gross”.

McDonalds covid

Barry Spud

Barry Spud

Safety Crusader, Zero Harm Zealot, Compliance Controller and Global Pandemic Expert at Everything Safety
Barry Spud
What is a Safety Spud? Lets look at a few more spud head activities in risk and safety: 1. Coming on to site saying there is a safety issue when in fact there’s no such thing, it’s a political issue. 2. ‘Falling apart’ when people make choices that we think are stupid because they won’t do as we ‘tell’ them. Then we put on the angry face and think that overpowering others creates ownership. 3. Putting on the zero harm face, presenting statistics, knowing it has nothing to do with culture, risk or safety. 4. Putting on the superman (hazardman) suit and pretending to be the saviour of everything, this is good spud head cynic stuff. 5. Thinking that everyone else is a spud head except me. 6. Thinking there’s such a thing as ‘common’ sense and using such mythology to blame and label others. 7. Accepting safety policies and processes that dehumanize others. 8. Blaming, ego-seeking, grandstanding and territory protecting behind the mask of safety. 9. Thinking that risk and safety is simple when in fact it is a wicked problem. Denying complexity and putting your spud head in the sand. 10. Continually repeating the nonsense language and discourse of risk aversion that misdirect people about risk, safety, learning and imagination.

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