Starting at $500,000 plus 12.5% super loading (although investing in the future is irrelevant, depending on prediction success rate). $10,000 deducted per failure to predict any event on site over a 12-month period. (Previous applicant left owing the company $400,000).
Full Time 35-168hrs per week, as required.
- Ability to predict any event on site.
- Capability to know the future.
- Know the unknowns.
- Collect ‘big data’ and deny Bounded Rationality.
- Skills in reading tea leaves, horoscope, tarot cards essential.
- Ability to speak endlessly about ‘predictive analytics’.
- Necessity to guarantee zero.
- Ability to use Hindsight Bias to claim eternal foresight.
- Blame, fudge data and project denial, when accidents occur.
- Ability to redefine the meaning of words like ‘accident’ and ‘risk’.
- Be able to preach ‘just believe’.
- Declare BBS as the safety saviour.
- Ability to ignore all research in human personhood.
- Ability to speak with certainty about uncertainty.
- Must not own, purchase or sell life/accident insurance.
- Speak meaningless gobbledygook to people.
- Ability to walk on water.
- Turn water into wine.
- Heal the sick.
- Read people’s minds.
- Ability to pray for car parks.
- Redefine risk and assurance.
How to Apply
- Applications addressed to ‘The Omniscient One’
- Please include in CV a 10-year history of prediction successes.
- If successful for interview, we expect you to predict the time, date and make-up of the interview team and the questions they may ask.
Personal friendship with Budda, Mohamed, Thor, Jedi Master and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Applications closed 3 months ago because you didn’t predict this ad.
Possible Places for Future Employment